(from the Onion)
Thank you for considering me for this position. As you can see from my r�sum�, my extensive work experience in the field makes me a strong candidate for this job. My r�sum� doesn't, however, convey the many intangibles that I bring to the table. For example, I'm incredibly driven. I'm also excellent in crisis situations, doing my best work under pressure. And, of course, I'm an attractive-people person.

I'm not sure where I got it, but I have a gift for getting on well with attractive people. I've always been able to connect with good-looking people of all types. It doesn't matter what race, color, or creed they are. So long as they're not unpleasant to the eye, chances are good that we'll hit it off.

I like nothing more than to sit in a public park on a Sunday afternoon and attractive-people watch. It's fun to look at beautiful people and try to imagine their lives. I picture them dressing to the nines, dining at the finest restaurants, and then dancing the night away at the hottest clubs with other fabulous people in their appearance bracket. Sometimes, I'm even blessed to see a budding romance between a ravishing couple. Nothing brings a smile to my face like the sight of two attractive people falling in love.

I've always liked attractive people, even at an early age. When I was 3, my only playmate was the homely kid next door. I thought I liked him, but once I began attending Rosewood Day Care, I saw other kids my age who were adorable like me. After that, my neighbor and I drifted apart. In the years since, I've met lots of attractive people, and I've liked them all. That's the amazing thing about attractive people. They're all different, yet deep down, they all share one essential, fundamental quality: great looks.

The ability to connect with attractive people is certainly a valuable skill in the business world. Sometimes, I walk into a conference room and meet a stunning client, and before I even speak to him or her, I think, "I like that beautiful person already." Maybe it's the way they carry themselves. There's something about a woman's smooth olive skin or a man's broad, muscular shoulders that says, "I deserve�nay, demand�your attention and respect." Those are the kinds of people I want to be in business with. They sense this and, in turn, want to be in business with me.

So that's it. That's my pitch. If you hire me, you'll find that I have a way with beautiful people in just about any imaginable workplace situation. Whether we're brainstorming a major proposal or racing to meet deadline on a project, there's no high cheekbone or pouty set of lips that I'm not capable of working well with.

:)